Thursday, May 11, 2006

Funny court stuff

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

Q: This condition you have... does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?_____________________________________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?_____________________________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?______________________________________

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A:! By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?______________________________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?!
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

23 Comments:

Blogger ««ºP®åđđŷº»» said...

hmm..watre tose blankz?

6:22 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

lol...dey arent blanks da...its like to denote ending...

6:37 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

oh n u must read d story here ;)

6:39 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

well yea...ive decided dat its time fer a new nik, so yea im "the used" :D

10:52 AM  
Blogger The Morning Sun said...

Awwwww, viks the "used". How adorable. Anyway,do you get some kind of pleasure in publishing fwds/copied articles???? :D Just curious.

8:20 PM  
Blogger sfdhbvfid said...

why in the world are you "the used"??

7:06 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

lol...idk jus chumma thought of it:D

8:39 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

dont ask y im d used n all...jus chumma

5:22 AM  
Blogger N said...

I read those jokes in Simplifly, the AirDeccan magazine. Very amusing they were.

5:24 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

lol...der r lotsa of oders like this...

6:15 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

ooooooooo u actually tuk sum time off to read ma blog...lol

7:26 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

oh n check out our new blog here

8:42 AM  
Blogger ««ºP®åđđŷº»» said...

hmmm..whats the reason for a new blog?

5:14 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

chumma da...was up in d nite till sum 3 n no1 came online(pun intended) so jus chumma created new blog n drishya is also member;)

5:15 AM  
Blogger The Morning Sun said...

I know. Im also a member. ( blushes). Isnt that soo...chweet?

Aw.

6:30 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

errrrr....

8:01 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

n yea...raghav is the menomoron...ha12!!!!!!! this is turining out to be just tooo gooood!!

9:26 AM  
Blogger The Morning Sun said...

Really, raghav, if you are no moron, then how do you justify the crap you did to my friend?

10:03 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

oh fuk...guyz sort dat out sumwhere else!!!!!

3:38 AM  
Blogger The Morning Sun said...

Ok, then, used. Im gonna respect the fact that this is your site. Now wheres the link to raghavs blog.....;)

5:32 AM  
Blogger The Used said...

aiooo...i think its time fer a new post:D

9:27 AM  
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